firsts are not always happy :(

May 18, 2011 -- the day that this blog was made. And this day almost made me cry. It crushed my heart. It downed my hopes. But then again, I have learned a certain lesson from this day. However, I guess it's too confidential to reveal it here.

That was the reason why I made this blog. To express my sentiments. To write down what I feel even though nobody reads it and cares about it. What matters most for me is to let my emotions burst. I am really brokenhearted. I am really sad. I am really devastated.

I have this one guy that made me fall for him head over heels. Why not? He has a sweet tongue that could weave sweet words. And I hated it. To make the story short, he has a girlfriend. But it didn't hurt me. What hurt and still hurts me is that he flirts with his past girlfriend even though he has still a girlfriend. I don't know why I am feeling this way. It really makes my mind confused and perplexed.

Since I'm slowly by slowly getting myself over him, I was able to make a poem regarding my feelings with this guy. So here it is.

MY FICTIONAL SWAIN

Under the silhouette of the moon, there I was thinking of you

Memories came rushing into my hopeless mind and I felt blue

Suddenly, I closed my eyes, wishing that I had your attention and affections

Could you hear out all of my hallucinations?

After all, I knew that it was my entire fault for I had assumed

I should have known from the start the impossibility of you loving me, yeah, absurd

April and it was summer when we met and I instantly fell head over heels

You’ve got my number, you texted me and I had fast heartbeats

Every romantic word that you said was always full of pretend

Every text message that from you pulverized my heart and I didn’t know how to mend

Every sweet gesture of yours all did the same and the pain

Every promise you had spoken disheartened me, my fictional swain

You were the type of guy that girls would chase you and swoon over

I always yearned for that you could see me, then, I need a four-leaf clover

One night, you asked me if I loved you and I lied

What’s the purpose of telling if the person I loved just set me aside?

 You told me that you liked me but I already learned my lesson

I anymore would not believe you just because of my obsession

It was not easy to move on, but I needed to do it so

Now, I knew how heartbreak hurts, and it’s because I longed for you, my illusory beaux

Well, I am planning to make this into a song. But unfortunately, I'm not that gifted on playing musical instruments. Nevertheless, I'm convincing my friend to arrange the chords and the notes. :)